Lacrosse Quest 24
GUINNESS WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT
Start: 7.00pm Friday May 4th 2012
Finish: 7.00pm Saturday May 5th 2012
Location:South Fish Creek Recreational Centre,
RTP Fundraising Target: $50,000
RTP Fundraising Actual: $805
I'm afraid of three things, the Black Widow spider, Giant Killer
jelly fish and English grammar. I remember many moons ago sitting
at a wooden desk, in grade 3, as the teacher slowly marched up and
down the classroom reading out the daily list of twenty spelling
Fast forward to the 1980's and the invention of spell check for
PC's. I thought my dreams had been answered; however, things are
never that straight forward. Check out the poem below:
Eye have a spelling chequer,
It came with my Pea Sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss Steaks I can knot sea.
Eye strike the quays and type a whirred
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am write oar wrong
It tells me straight a weigh.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your shore real glad two no.
Its vary polished in its weigh.
My chequer tolled me sew.
A chequer is a bless thing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right all stiles of righting,
And aides me when eye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The chequer pours o'er every word
Two cheque sum spelling rule.
My spell checker shows no problem with the contents but clearly
its rubbish (but fun).
Last fall, I signed up as a Substitute Resource Assistant for
the Rocky View Schools Division. I've been in a number of times to
help out and in mid February I received a call from a local
Cochrane School. I've very much enjoyed working with the kids and
giving help wherever possible. I have no problems with quadratic
equations, the periodic table or the history of the First World
War, however I ran into trouble with a Grade 4 English class.
The teacher asked me to mark a punctuation exercise: linking
adverbs to verbs. Cold beads of sweat started to form on my
forehead and my heart rate hit 160. Fortunately, the teacher had
marked several pages so I managed to figure out the rest of the
answers. That was a close call.
Then a week ago, I received the edited manuscript of "Marathon
Quest" from Meaghan Craven. Meaghan has been retained, as
editor, by Rocky Mountain Books and I have been working closely
with her for the past two months. There's still lots of work to do
on the document but luckily, I have my "Grammar Queen", Sue. She
helps me sort out my colon from semi-colon and limits my run-on
I've now decided to take control of the situation. This morning,
I ordered Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance
Approach to Punctuation. This is a non-fiction book written by
Lynne Truss the former host of the BBC Radio 4's Cutting a
Dash programme. In the book, published in 2003, Truss bemoans
the state of punctuation in the United Kingdom and the United
States and describes how rules are being relaxed in today's
society. Her goal is to remind readers of the importance of
punctuation in the English Language by mixing humour and
The title of the book is an amphibology - a verbal fallacy
arising from an ambiguous grammatical construction-and derived from
a joke on bad punctuation:
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it,
then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the
carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a
badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his
'Well, I'm a panda,' he says, at the door. 'Look it
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and,
sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white
bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and
It just goes to show that you can teach an old Panda new
Joke of the Day
- Q: Why did the Panda like "The Artist"
- A: Because it was in Black and White!
Eats, Shoots and Leaves